Most people find that talking to themselves compassionately does not come naturally. However for some, the opposite – self-criticism – seems to very easily roll off the tongue. Self-criticism is a thinking style that involves our internal self-talk being highly negative. When self-criticism becomes engrained, it can have a negative effect on mood over time.
People who have high levels of self-criticism tend to have a harsh way of speaking to themselves. They tend to highlight their own flaws and weaknesses. Often, they will put pressure on themselves to be a certain way and when they do not meet these internal standards, they scold themselves for not performing adequately.
Often the tone of these thoughts can be critical, harsh, and cold. For some people, this self-criticism can turn into self-loathing and self-hatred which can impact even further on self-esteem and self-confidence.
The reasons why people criticise themselves can vary. Some people feel as though it spurs them on to do better but for some, it can be a way to punish themselves. Often self-criticism can have its roots in past experiences or it can be due to demanding pressures at school, work or being part of competitive sports.
Self-criticism is a learned behaviour and no matter how it started there are healthier ways of relating to oneself.
Often people will use self-criticism to motivate themselves to do better. They feel that if they give themselves a hard time, they are more likely to complete a task and learn from their mistakes.
This may be the case to some extent but when used frequently, it starts to become a habit that can overshadow any benefits and start to have a negative effect on other areas of mental health like self-esteem, self-confidence, and mood due to the constant putdowns.
On the other hand, there is constructive criticism. This is when someone will point out a flaw but add in a constructive comment to help them improve in the future. This can lead to more positive behaviours as there is a constructive nature to them, rather than just being negative.
Examples of constructively critical comments are:
Those who criticise themselves regularly are likely to make the following types of comments:
When someone is critical of themselves regularly, they might start to find their mood is impacted. They may find that they feel down and frustrated, and never think they are ‘good enough’. The constant barrage of negativity can be damaging to how they view themselves as a person, which can also affect their confidence around others.
Common symptoms of self-criticism are:
The aim of therapy is to provide you with the tools you need to be able to manage your self-criticism independently:
This helps highly self-critical people develop a more compassionate mindset. Techniques are used to learn a different way of thinking, feeling, and behaving towards themselves which is driven by compassion. A positive relationship with the self can develop which still allows goals to be achieved.
Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) - Compassion Focused TherapyCognitive Behavioural Therapy is based on the theory that all thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are linked. CBT uses a set of techniques to help reframe thoughts, so they have less of an impact on mood.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) - Cognitive Behavioural TherapyAt Turning Tides, our team of Psychologists are highly trained and have many years of experience working with common mental health conditions and people who struggle with self-criticism.
Our psychologists can help you to understand the difficulties you are having with self-criticism, exploring some of the different factors that have contributed to how you feel today. They will teach you strategies to effectively help you manage your self-criticism better and allow you to move forward in your life.
We offer regular face-to-face appointments at our modern and comfortable clinic in Hoult’s Yard, Newcastle or we can offer online therapy via Zoom if you live further afield or have a preference for online sessions.
We have tried to keep our pricing as simple as possible. We charge £120 for a 60-minute appointment, regardless of whether this is an assessment or therapy session. Our fees are the same for face-to-face appointments and online appointments as you will receive the same high standard of care from our psychologists, regardless of how it is delivered.
A psychologist will then be in touch to arrange a free 15-minute no-obligation call, where we can discuss your requirements in more detail and you can get a feel for whether Turning Tides is the right psychology practice for you.
If we’re not right for you, we’ll try and signpost you to somewhere that is.
Please note – Turning Tides is not a crisis service, and if you feel you need urgent support or are experiencing a mental health crisis then it is important that you contact your GP if they are available, or attend A&E.